Musings of a Gypsy Soul

You Let Me Down

2011-01-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

We all tried so hard, to raise you up.
To give you strength, when you could not stand.
We struggled to be your rock, when you tried so hard to push us down.
We triumphed when you did. Celebrated even the small accomplishments.
We thought you really meant it, that you would really change.

But now we find that you betrayed us.
That our efforts were all for not
You drained us dry of all we had, and said it wasn't enough.
You threw away what we so suffered to give you,
like it didn't even matter.

I hope someday you truly realise, how much you broke our hearts
That giving up has hurt us, in a way you do not yet understand.

I hope someday you realise just what we sacrificed for you,
and see with clearer eyes, the devastation you have left behind.

Dedication: To my Sister, I hope you find the strength to overcome your demons

I Dream of the Sea...

2011-01-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

My Zodiac sign is Pisces and I think it is strong this week. The theme in my thoughts seems to be the ocean, though I only just realised it today. My new avatar is a Penguin, both my recent blog posts had a theme of "tides", and the Mandala I just finished I did in all blues and greens. I also dreamed of tropical fish last night. They were swimming around my bedroom. I wonder what a dream interpretation would make of that.

To channel my ocean themed, I created a Etsy Treasury of Ocean related works of art. And here it is:

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4d2c845d802b6d91675902b6/i-dream-of-the-sea?index=0

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Time and Tide wait for No One

2011-01-08T11:50:00.000-08:00

This shoulder injury has been soooo frustrating! I have been at home bored out of my gourd because I can't do the things I normally do. Even shampooing my hair is painful! They say "Time and Tide wait for no one, but I feel like I am waiting for it to catch up with me! Knitting and Crocheting, which normally give me so much joy, no only give me pain. The doctors says "time will tell" (Ugh!!!!) but there is a good possibility I may not be able to Knit again or even go back to my regular job :-(
I am trying so hard to be positive and believe this is for the best. I feel so....... restricted, limited.... so USELESS. I admit I am stubborn and will rarely admit I can't do something, so my ego has taken some bruising. I have had to learn that "pain" doesn't mean "weakness" and that bullying through that pain doesn't mean your strong.... or smart.
Where will I go now that my path has been altered? I have some new ideas for projects now that I am healed enough to have a normal routine. Been sussing them out on paper and hope to bring them to life soon. Guess time will tell... I just hate waiting.

In this time of change the lines of a Robert Frost poem spring to my mind:

The Road Not Taken

........two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the road less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference

Maybe the road I didn't plan to take will actually be the better journey.

The Tides

2011-01-01T11:42:00.000-08:00

Turning tide and blowing wind, brings ever change ashore.

To twirl and sway, but never stay, to see what change abounds

But in their haste to dance away,they always leave a gift.

Maybe a leaf, seed or polished shell is the prize that's left to ponder.

So wealthy is the wind and sea to send such riches forth

we mustn't refuse so mighty a gift, as we, its humble children.

But to set forth with our little gifts and make our world so bright,

because isn't it our human cause to leave it better then we found it?

Taking a Wrong Turn

2010-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

I just realised something. I am being....dare I say it... fake.

FAKE!!!

There I said it.

I noticed I was not being true to myself. I have been writing about kind, gentle, NEUTRAL things. I have been reading TOO MUCH business advice on Etsy and various other crafting sites about the "proper" way to run your craft based business. Don't write about controversal topics. Always talk about your art work and anything related to yor artwork/business etc...... Don't say or do anything to drive away potenial customers. it is all about making sales, making sales ,makings sales.
WELL WHY???? WHO THE HELL WROTE THESE RULES!!!!!
I have been spending months trying to write about nice(pathetic, but nice) topics. Well, screw nice I am not going to be neutral anymore. I am going to write about whatever I WANT. It is my work afterall. I have never cared what anyone thought of my opinions, why should I care about what others think of my work. It is MINE.

Speaking of work, that is another problem related to this superfakeynice funk I have been in. In stead of making the art that makes me happy and making whatever I damn well please, whenever I damn well want, I was being neutral, AGAIN. I was thinking "what will be popular? what will sell, sell ,sell? what is the "in" thing? what can I make that will get noticed? Because that is what everyone on Etsy, Artfire etc.... were talking about. I thought I had to too.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I did not paint pictures when I was 7 to make a profit!!!!!

I did not knit a pair of mittens in a funky color for the "in" thing.

NO!!!

I made it for ME. I made what I like. That is why I pursued my art in the FIRST PLACE!!!!!! I have totally forgotten why I do what I do. I make things for ME. The whole selling my art was an after thought. I was not interested in custom orders, and making 5,000 of the same crocheted hat. I want to make one-of-a-kind pieces, by me. From now on I am going to post my opinions(whether they be popular or not) MY own poetry, my stories or whatever.

"I Crazy Turtle do solemly swear to be more true to myself. To make whatever I damn well please, whenever I damn well want. I will not care if it is "in" or popular or a fast sell. I promise to always keep art first and business second. and that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Bob."

Peace

Standing in a Hurricane

2010-05-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

As soon as I walked in the door I felt it. Something was not right. Nothing physical was out of place. Nothing disturbed. But it was different. A sense of heaviness, an eerie calm before a raging storm. The dog looked nervous. He followed me everywhere I went. Hid under the table. He knew. He too felt the wrongness.

My sister was laying on the couch with the shades and curtains drawn. blanket pulled almost over her head. Blankly staring at the Tv, looking like sleep had not been something she had partaken of in a while. She looked ashen and pale. A short while later, I could hear her in the kitchen, slamming dishes and swearing. Then she stomped upstairs and slammed the door. Not unusual behavior for her, but the feeling was still their.

Then she came stomping down again and out the door. probably out for a smoke.

Then I heard it. a thump. raised voices. another thump. what the hell? i walked into the kitchen and could see her through the corner of the window. I could also hear her. "I can't do this anymore, i can't F***ing do this anymore" she was screaming at the top of her lungs. then she started to cry, intense, wracking sobs. Intense pain. caught in a trap with no where else to go pain. She thrashed and threw the deck furniture, phone to her ear screaming and raging and tearing around. " I don't know what to do, I am scared. i can't do this anymore." " I just want it to end. I just F***ing want it to end"

Blind Leap Part 2

My youngest sister is now in rehab for a drug/alcohol addiction. She is also getting help for severe anxiety and mood disorders. It has been a year since I wrote that first part. She has had a few set backs including crashing her car while driving drunk. She is slowly making her way to a stable, chemical free and happy life.

Poison

2010-02-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

She is the poison.

Walking carrion that spreads gloom and unhappiness wherever she goes. Her happy attitude is fake. You feel the foulness of what she is, leaching out of her pores even as she tries to make a joke. She smiles at you in a forced sort of way and insults you with a snide remark.

I want to smash that smile off her face.

I want to scream, I want to curse. I want to throw every foul, mean, vicious and nasty comment I can think of her way. I want to make her hurt. I want to make her cry.
I want to shred her self esteem and self worth until there is nothing left.

I want to make the hatred we all feel toward her be known in all its raw and potent glory.

She took what was once a happy, positive and productive place and poisoned it. She destroyed every positive thing we had created. She replaced the positivity and caring, with distrust and misery.

We hate her.

She surrounds herself with weak minded, greedy, power hungry minions whom she gleefully allows to spread her foulness. They kneel at her feet, ready to do her bidding, to agree with her every whim. They hunt for a target. Who doesn't agree? Who has a independent spirit? Who can we try to break today? They keep their knives at the ready, quick to make a cowardly strike when their targets back is turned.

We know all about them. We watch. We listen. We pass the word to keep watch for the traitors. Traitors. Those who were once our friends, whom we thought we could trust. We were betrayed. Their greed and power hungry ambitions made them forget.Be careful what you say and what you do, for the traitors will gladly run back to their mistress to wag their forked tongues. Satan has a special place in hell for bitches like you.

They say we have a 'group brain', well, they are right, we do. Strength in numbers. We keep watch over each other. We protect our own. As a group we can actively voice our anger and frustration in a safe way in which a single voice could not. We have that kind of power.

If we knew of a way to cleanse the poison and rid ourselves of her evil we would. We would toss her miserable ass out into the dumpster and shut the door in a heart beat. We would take down the traitors and bring our world back to the way it was before. But until that day comes we must continue the battle, we must stand strong.

If you want a battle bitches then pick your sword. We will meet you on the battlefield. We will relish the day when we can return the favor. We will rejoyce on the day we make YOU scream.

Interesting Etsy Tid Bits

2010-01-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

I have been cruising around Etsy this morning and found some really fun and interesting articles and videos I thought I would share.

The Clueless Crafter-Do It Yourself
http://www.etsy.com/storque/handmade-life/clueless-crafter-dont-do-it-yourself-6530/

Handmade Portraits-Mimi Kirchner (I found Mimis enthusiasm for her art very inspiring)
http://www.etsy.com/storque/handmade-life/handmade-portraits-mimi-kirchner-4405/

Open Studio Tour-SnitchesGetStitches
http://www.etsy.com/storque/handmade-life/open-studio-tour-snitchesgetstitches-5533/

New Rules-Support Your Local Economy
http://www.etsy.com/storque/craftivism/new-rules-support-your-local-economy-6092/

I hope you enjoy!

Finding New Breath

2010-01-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

I have found a new breath.

A breath of hope.

A breath of peacefullness coming after a long journey through doubt and uncertainty.

So long I have walked. Through the pain of self doubt, and the pain of doubting in others faith.

I have sat in fear, so consumed by the "what if" I could scarcely breathe. sleep. eat.

It was terrible.

I have come out of that storm stronger then when I went in.

I have learned.

I have seen.

I am whole.

I have tossed aside those fears that have troubled me so.

I have seen what I could fix, and fixed it.

I have seen what I could not and let it be. I accepted.

I walk into a new year with my head held high, with a renewed sense of hope and pride. I have plans for me. good plans. strong plans. Nothing so bold as to be world altering, but just plans to make my life a better place for me to live.

I have found a new breath.

Walking The Moss Path

2009-11-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

These are photos I took of a walk in the woods with my mom and son. There are all these paths through the woods and fields behind my moms house.

It is a very enchanting place. I felt like if I had stayed still and quiet long enough, one of the woodland fairy folk might be seen, making their way through this beautiful place. I could have stayed forever, enjoying its beauty.

It reminded me of a place from my childhood home. Where my sisters and I would spend out hot summer days. Deep in the woods by the river bank we would play day in and day out. Building "hideouts" from the natural materials we found and swimming, floating and "fishing" in the river.

I long for those simple days, without a care in the world.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/crazyturtlecreations/sets/72157622537289205/

I Want........

2009-10-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

I want to shine.
like the brightest star or the warmest sun.
I want to stand in the spotlight for all to see, to be appreciated.

but I am afraid.
Afraid of being seen. Watched. All those eyes watching. Laughing. Analyzing. Picking apart my very soul.

Seeing my "flaws" in all of their raw glory. Would you still like me then? Would I be what you wanted to see me as?

Would I be what I wanted the world to see?

I want you to see me. Me in the corner who so desperately wants to stand on that stage and shine.

I want to feel real. Like I am making a difference, that what I am doing is not a pipe dream.

I want to take that leap, but I cannot see the bottom.
Who would I hurt if I never hit the bottom?

I want so much to shine

But I am afraid.

Walking Barefoot....

2009-08-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

Walking barefoot along the sandy shore.
The gentle breeze tousles my hair and whispers in my ear.

My sheer gown, ripples and flows over my flesh like a lovers gentle touch.

I am alone and content to be so.

I am free to just be.

The cool waves lap at the sand. A sensual greeting that caresses my ankles and toes.

The world is alive around me.

I feel it pulsing to the rythem of my heart.

The breeze once again takes up its playful dance around me, tickling and teasing my body. Then scampers off to dance amoung the tree branches, making them sway and dip like hypnotic arabian dancers.

The worries and troubles have washed away with the tide.

Aware of only the world around me and its splendid beauty.

Noting only the rise and fall of my breath, and the steady beat of my heart.

I am at peace.

Alas, I awaken from this dream.

Back in my bed, with my husband sleeping contently beside me. The gentle breeze rustling the curtains in the open window. I smile. thankful to be alive and blessed with the life I have been given.

Words of Wisdom

2009-07-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

Here is one of my favorite songs, with words I try to live by

If Today Was Your Last Day
by Nickelback

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-OlqERixVE