As soon as I walked in the door I felt it. Something was not right. Nothing physical was out of place. Nothing disturbed. But it was different. A sense of heaviness, an eerie calm before a raging storm. The dog looked nervous. He followed me everywhere I went. Hid under the table. He knew. He too felt the wrongness.
My sister was laying on the couch with the shades and curtains drawn. blanket pulled almost over her head. Blankly staring at the Tv, looking like sleep had not been something she had partaken of in a while. She looked ashen and pale. A short while later, I could hear her in the kitchen, slamming dishes and swearing. Then she stomped upstairs and slammed the door. Not unusual behavior for her, but the feeling was still their.
Then she came stomping down again and out the door. probably out for a smoke.
Then I heard it. a thump. raised voices. another thump. what the hell? i walked into the kitchen and could see her through the corner of the window. I could also hear her. "I can't do this anymore, i can't F***ing do this anymore" she was screaming at the top of her lungs. then she started to cry, intense, wracking sobs. Intense pain. caught in a trap with no where else to go pain. She thrashed and threw the deck furniture, phone to her ear screaming and raging and tearing around. " I don't know what to do, I am scared. i can't do this anymore." " I just want it to end. I just F***ing want it to end"
Blind Leap Part 2
My youngest sister is now in rehab for a drug/alcohol addiction. She is also getting help for severe anxiety and mood disorders. It has been a year since I wrote that first part. She has had a few set backs including crashing her car while driving drunk. She is slowly making her way to a stable, chemical free and happy life.