As soon as I walked in the door I felt it. Something was not right. Nothing physical was out of place. Nothing disturbed. But it was different. A sense of heaviness, an eerie calm before a raging storm. The dog looked nervous. He followed me everywhere I went. Hid under the table. He knew. He too felt the wrongness.
My sister was laying on the couch with the shades and curtains drawn. blanket pulled almost over her head. Blankly staring at the Tv, looking like sleep had not been something she had partaken of in a while. She looked ashen and pale. A short while later, I could hear her in the kitchen, slamming dishes and swearing. Then she stomped upstairs and slammed the door. Not unusual behavior for her, but the feeling was still their.
Then she came stomping down again and out the door. probably out for a smoke.
Then I heard it. a thump. raised voices. another thump. what the hell? i walked into the kitchen and could see her through the corner of the window. I could also hear her. "I can't do this anymore, i can't F***ing do this anymore" she was screaming at the top of her lungs. then she started to cry, intense, wracking sobs. Intense pain. caught in a trap with no where else to go pain. She thrashed and threw the deck furniture, phone to her ear screaming and raging and tearing around. " I don't know what to do, I am scared. i can't do this anymore." " I just want it to end. I just F***ing want it to end"
Blind Leap Part 2
My youngest sister is now in rehab for a drug/alcohol addiction. She is also getting help for severe anxiety and mood disorders. It has been a year since I wrote that first part. She has had a few set backs including crashing her car while driving drunk. She is slowly making her way to a stable, chemical free and happy life.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Poison
She is the poison.
Walking carrion that spreads gloom and unhappiness wherever she goes. Her happy attitude is fake. You feel the foulness of what she is, leaching out of her pores even as she tries to make a joke. She smiles at you in a forced sort of way and insults you with a snide remark.
I want to smash that smile off her face.
I want to scream, I want to curse. I want to throw every foul, mean, vicious and nasty comment I can think of her way. I want to make her hurt. I want to make her cry.
I want to shred her self esteem and self worth until there is nothing left.
I want to make the hatred we all feel toward her be known in all its raw and potent glory.
She took what was once a happy, positive and productive place and poisoned it. She destroyed every positive thing we had created. She replaced the positivity and caring, with distrust and misery.
We hate her.
She surrounds herself with weak minded, greedy, power hungry minions whom she gleefully allows to spread her foulness. They kneel at her feet, ready to do her bidding, to agree with her every whim. They hunt for a target. Who doesn't agree? Who has a independent spirit? Who can we try to break today? They keep their knives at the ready, quick to make a cowardly strike when their targets back is turned.
We know all about them. We watch. We listen. We pass the word to keep watch for the traitors. Traitors. Those who were once our friends, whom we thought we could trust. We were betrayed. Their greed and power hungry ambitions made them forget.Be careful what you say and what you do, for the traitors will gladly run back to their mistress to wag their forked tongues. Satan has a special place in hell for bitches like you.
They say we have a 'group brain', well, they are right, we do. Strength in numbers. We keep watch over each other. We protect our own. As a group we can actively voice our anger and frustration in a safe way in which a single voice could not. We have that kind of power.
If we knew of a way to cleanse the poison and rid ourselves of her evil we would. We would toss her miserable ass out into the dumpster and shut the door in a heart beat. We would take down the traitors and bring our world back to the way it was before. But until that day comes we must continue the battle, we must stand strong.
If you want a battle bitches then pick your sword. We will meet you on the battlefield. We will relish the day when we can return the favor. We will rejoyce on the day we make YOU scream.
Walking carrion that spreads gloom and unhappiness wherever she goes. Her happy attitude is fake. You feel the foulness of what she is, leaching out of her pores even as she tries to make a joke. She smiles at you in a forced sort of way and insults you with a snide remark.
I want to smash that smile off her face.
I want to scream, I want to curse. I want to throw every foul, mean, vicious and nasty comment I can think of her way. I want to make her hurt. I want to make her cry.
I want to shred her self esteem and self worth until there is nothing left.
I want to make the hatred we all feel toward her be known in all its raw and potent glory.
She took what was once a happy, positive and productive place and poisoned it. She destroyed every positive thing we had created. She replaced the positivity and caring, with distrust and misery.
We hate her.
She surrounds herself with weak minded, greedy, power hungry minions whom she gleefully allows to spread her foulness. They kneel at her feet, ready to do her bidding, to agree with her every whim. They hunt for a target. Who doesn't agree? Who has a independent spirit? Who can we try to break today? They keep their knives at the ready, quick to make a cowardly strike when their targets back is turned.
We know all about them. We watch. We listen. We pass the word to keep watch for the traitors. Traitors. Those who were once our friends, whom we thought we could trust. We were betrayed. Their greed and power hungry ambitions made them forget.Be careful what you say and what you do, for the traitors will gladly run back to their mistress to wag their forked tongues. Satan has a special place in hell for bitches like you.
They say we have a 'group brain', well, they are right, we do. Strength in numbers. We keep watch over each other. We protect our own. As a group we can actively voice our anger and frustration in a safe way in which a single voice could not. We have that kind of power.
If we knew of a way to cleanse the poison and rid ourselves of her evil we would. We would toss her miserable ass out into the dumpster and shut the door in a heart beat. We would take down the traitors and bring our world back to the way it was before. But until that day comes we must continue the battle, we must stand strong.
If you want a battle bitches then pick your sword. We will meet you on the battlefield. We will relish the day when we can return the favor. We will rejoyce on the day we make YOU scream.
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